Between Taking It Easy and Going For the Gold

Ever since my eldest daughter entered school, it has been my dilemma to whether take it easy on her or push her to do her very best and go for the gold. And by getting the gold, I meant figuratively and literally. Karerin ‘eka nga.

Knowing my daughter, I am fully aware that at her age (she’s 6) and personality (an Aries), there is not much pressure for her to get top awards. Her attitude is, “Good if she does, try again next time, if she doesn’t.”

Now, here is when my different mommy personas collide. On one hand, I commend her for achieving things that I have not achieved when I was her age. On the other hand, I and most everyone else, see her full of potentials. I think it would be unfair if she doesn’t get all the assistance she needs to flourish even more.

Unlike the first two years of her schooling, I have not been able to monitor her studies this year. My reasons are more work-related rather than because of my quest to avoid pressuring her. Her studies have been between her and her teachers. My husband and I get into the picture only on weekends before exams. After all that’s been said and done, it’s SAYANG when she manages to reach only the lower levels of the academic ladder or competitions. At one point, some would say, it’s just fine because she has been studying and making it on her own. But for some, it’s “If she can do well on her own, she could have scaled greater heights had there been more support.”

So now I take a stand, decisions have to be made. I am her mom, and it is my sworn and natural duties to assist her achieve her full potentials. And by the powers vested upon me, she has no other recourse but to obey. Or so I hope…

Five things in my mind to guide me guide her (and my other children) when it comes to giving one’s best shot:1. Be decisive. Would I want to let her take it easy and do things in her own sweet time or should I nudge more and instil in her the value of hard work to earn higher awards/ blessings? I believe that whatever my decision would be, I should stick to it to be more consistent with how we deal with her achievements or endeavours.2. Regain my personal discipline. From grade 1 to second year high school, I have been a very studious and orderly pupil, I was bordering on obsessive-compulsive behaviour. I learned to take it easy in junior high and let everything go in college. The results, I became a crammer and still am, professionally and domestically. In a way, the attitude has rubbed on my children. Sometimes, if I tell my daughter to review, she’ll reply that there is enough time in the morning because the exam is in the afternoon.3. Instilling the concept of time. At this age, I do not believe in asking, errr, commanding her to prioritize her studies. I would rather develop in her the understanding of doing things in their own time. I think it’s best to allocate time for every activity: playtime, TV time, study time, until it becomes a habit. She’s young and I want her to learn as much as to enjoy the what’s and how’s of the knowledge that she might discover. Maybe she can prioritize her play over her studies, just as long as she observes the time for each of these activities.4. Think of studying or practice as a game or an entertainment. That way, it won’t only be her who’ll enjoy it but me too. By following this, I think, I can find a balance between taking it easy and going for the gold.5. Lastly, explaining to her, in children’s terms, the cost and benefits of doing well in her studies and in whatever competitions that she may join. For example:“Anak, mag-aral kang mabuti para ma-first honor ka uli. Kasi pag na first ka, may discount ka sa tution fee. Pag may discount sa tuition fee, madadagdagan pambili natin ng Jollibee.”

How abut you moms, do you take it easy or do you motivate your kids to go for the gold?

Ami Dasig Salazar is a working mom in the Philippines’ social development world. She works with an NGO, spending time with the poor farming communities of Nueva Ecija. Her life is full of everyday stories courtesy of the people around her, especially her three young and vibrant kids and her wonderful hubby. Ami blogs at http://amids.wordpress.com.